The Bumper Stickers of AA

How 10 simple sayings help me with my sobriety

There is a reason old-timers tell newcomers the common phrases from the program. They have been around long enough to know what they are talking about, so listen when they speak Here are my 10 favorite sayings and how they help me in my recovery.

1. One Day at a Time

This is likely the most widely known phrase among people in and out of the program. As cheesy as it may sound, it is the only way to take on this incredible challenge. The idea of “I am never going to drink again in my life” is ambiguous. The idea of doing anything for the rest of my life sounds exhausting, I don’t know what is in store for me for tomorrow let alone the rest of my life — but I do know that deciding not to drink TODAY is doable. Just today — I can drink tomorrow. When tomorrow comes, it is ‘today’ again… so that’s it. I won’t drink today.

Sometimes, even a day seems unmanageable, so you go hour by hour, maybe even minute by minute. If you stick with it you will be amazed at how quickly the time adds up, and the monumental changes sobriety brings over that time.

2. Meeting Makers Make It

AA sounded like a joke to me at first. I thought it was some religious “cult” full of old white men sitting around smoking cigarettes, drinking coffee, and complaining about their lives. I never thought it was some place I would find myself. Yet, when I hit my bottom and my life was blowing up around me, I didn’t know what else to do or where else to go. I finally felt so broken that I surrendered and looked up information about AA meetings. My first attempt to attend a meeting was a disaster — but the second meeting saved my life. You can read more about it here in Finding the Right Meeting was Crucial for my Sobriety.

For the first time I was in a room with people who truly understood me. I could feel the genuine love from these strangers who took me in as one of their own. I suddenly felt at home sitting on a couch listening to my fellow addicts share their stories with me. Our stories were so similar and for once I had people in my corner who cared with zero judgment.

The people in my first meeting were the ones who encouraged me to check into treatment, which I did five days later. In treatment, I was immersed in the AA program, where I learned how important it would be for my after care.

Addiction is a disease, one that requires rigorous after care to prevent a relapse. Meetings are our medication, and if you stop going, you are at a much higher risk of a relapse.

3. It Works if You Work It

Meetings are the first piece of the puzzle. The next important piece is to find a sponsor and Work The Steps. Meetings alone will not keep you sober. Instead, you need to embrace a new way of living completely, and you will learn that new way of living through working the steps with a sponsor. It may seem daunting at first, but “If you decide you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it — then you are ready to take certain steps.” (Big Book pg. 58)

I can see now that stopping going to meetings and ghosting my sponsor led to my relapse. I made it to step 4, but I wasn’t ready to look at myself the way I needed to and instead gave up. This time around, I am focused and actively working my program. If I wasn’t for working it with my sponsor- talking to her regularly, doing the steps, completing my assignments; there is a high probability that I would have drank my second week of sobriety.

4. Find your Tribe

Merely going to meetings once or twice a week is not how you make it. Attending meetings is crucial, but it is only the first piece of the puzzle. “Connection is the opposite of addiction” is one of the truest statements I have heard. This is a program of “We,” not “I.” and if it wasn’t for my daily meetings, I know I would not be sober today.

I didn’t take this seriously the first time around. I thought seeing familiar faces weekly in meetings was enough of a connection, but I was wrong. I never took the step to really get to know my fellows or join in any type of fellowship therefore I stayed isolated.

I was hesitant to join a virtual AA meeting because I didn’t think there would be any way I would be able to find a connection with people through a computer screen, but I was wrong. I have found stronger connections with virtual strangers than I did physically in a room with other people. When the meeting ends people stay on for what is called the ‘meeting-after-the-meeting’. This is the time for virtual fellowship. The lines are all unmuted and our Brady Bunch Screens light up as people talk with each other from across state lines — even across country lines!

5. Find a Sponsor in the First 30 Days

The first 30 days are the hardest, and it is crucial to find a good sponsor. Getting a sponsor means nothing if you don’t do the work with them. When I was in treatment, I got a sponsor, but it was mostly in name only. Even though we meet once in a while after I was out of treatment, we never got past step 4… we slowly lost touch, and I no longer worked the program. A while later, I found a new sponsor, and we met more often than the first, but the same thing eventually happened. Not having a sponsor and not working on the steps pushed me to my relapse. You can only get from your sponsor what you put into it. When you are looking for a sponsor, you don’t have to go with the first person who offers. Interview different people until you find the person you mesh with the most. Having a genuine connection is huge. This time around, I found a sponsor within the first week. I am so thankful for her. We met at my first meeting with my homegroup and have seen her virtually every day since. We see each other every night in our meeting, we talk on the phone regularly and keep in touch with texts. She has helped me move through the steps again in a way that makes sense to me. Our personalities match so well, and we have a great connection even though we have never met in person. I know I wouldn’t have gotten through my dark week if it wasn’t for her.

6. Pick up the Phone

In times of distress, the phone feels like a ton of bricks. It feels impossible to pick up, and your mind will lie to you. It will tell you that you are a burden that no one wants to hear about your problems. You can not listen to the lies. People give you their phone numbers for a reason. They are not meant to be collected like trophies but used regularly. Fighting the lies has saved me — a simple phone call on multiple occasions changed my days’ trajectory. I’ve gone from curled up in a ball on the verge of drinking to hearing a new friend’s voice and laughing. The phone is the light you need when you are sitting in the darkness.

Not only is it important to reach out in times of distress, it is equally important to reach out in the good times as well. You never know when someone else may be struggling and having a hard time picking up their phone, so a simple phone call or text could be just what they need to pull them back up. Reaching out to others and helping them with their problems is a great way to get out of your own head.

7. You Have to Give it Away to Keep It..

Service work keeps you connected to the program and your fellows. It can be something bigger like taking a service position, chairing a meeting, or sponsoring others. Or it can simply be reaching out to a newcomer, being visible in meetings, or putting away chairs (after in-person meetings).

Immersing yourself in the fellowship is an important piece of the puzzle that will keep you sober. Connection is the opposite of Addiction.

8. G.O.D. Good Orderly Direction

God. Such a loaded word. Many people are turned off by AA because of the use of God in the literature. The founders knew this and made sure to include the Chapter to the Agnostic and the line “God, as you understand him.” It clearly outlines how “God” is not the Christian God many people grew up with, and may still hold resentments. God is only a word. The important thing is that you find your Higher Power. Your Higher Power is your God of your understanding. A power greater than yourself that you can connect with spiritually.

For me, my Higher Power is the moon, and once I was able to detach the word “God” from my childhood God and connect with the Universe, I felt a spiritual connection and understood what spirituality is.

9. Attitude of Gratitude

Gratitude will keep you grounded. I experienced this recently when I was confiding in my sponsor about my envy of my ex’s lives. I look at them and see a big house, new cars, vacations, and I feel as if I am less than because my house is smaller, my 13-year-old car is barely running, and our family road-trips are few and far between. I see my ex’s in new committed relationships, getting engaged, and living the family life I dream of. From the outside looking in, it seems as if they have it all together. They must be happy and successful. If only I could be a fly on the wall. I might see that things aren’t always as they seem. Everyone has their skeletons in their closets, and no one knows what happens behind closed doors. I need only look into my own life and remember what I DO have. The best way to do this is by writing a gratitude list. As I write my list, I feel better about what I have and see that I have so much more than just things in life. I have my children, my home, my dog. I have my sober friends, my family, and my job. I have my writing. These are the most important things in my life, and as I think about them, the less impressive a big house seems.

10. Time Takes Time

This is one of my least favorite ones. I don’t like it. I am an addict … I want what I want and I want it now! And you hear it over and over in different forms: “It Takes Time”, “Time Heals All”, “This Too Shall Pass”. What I want to know is WHEN?! That is my problem and I won’t see it until I stop looking for it. So I need to just let go of the wheel and let my Higher Power do what it knows is best for me, and if that means I have to wait longer than I’d like to for a new relationship — that’s just what needs to be.

The first time I got sober — it felt like nothing was changing for months. I remember being convinced life was never going to get better so why bother. Then I had a moment of clarity and I took a moment to reflect and I was able to see the multitude of ways that my life had in fact improved over time. I just wasn’t able to see it in the moment. This is what is happening to me now, I just need to shut up and be PATIENT.

Remember the three P’s of recovery: Persistence. Patience. Positivity.

Persistence:

The first 30 days are the hardest. My second week was excruciating. I wanted to give up so many times that week. I felt powerless. I was ready to walk away from the program. But my HP stuck by me and gave me the persistence I needed to push through those dark, scary, and painful moments. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Hang on tight, and you will ride out the waves. It hurts right now… but drinking will only make things worse, and you will never regret not drinking.

Patience:

Be patient with yourself. This is a program of progress, not perfection. It takes time to learn a new way of living; it takes courage to face feelings you have pushed down with alcohol for so long. There will be moments of irritability, doubt, and loneliness. Cravings so strong you can’t think of anything other than that drink. Be patient. The waves will pass, and you will get through this—One Day at a Time.

I’ve had to practice patience every day these first 30 days. I had patiencence getting through my intense cravings, patience dealing with the uncomfortable feelings coming up, and patience when I lost over 2 hours of writing due to internet issues. These are the types of things that would typically drive me to pick up that drink. But somehow, with the help of my Higher Power, I stayed patient and pushed through.

Positivity:

This is the hardest one of the three for me. I tend to think of the worst-case scenario. I assume the past will continue to repeat itself, so I get stuck and tend to self-sabotage. If I hadn’t had my virtual AA family, I wouldn’t have made it through week two. I was defeated, and positivity was not in the picture. My group stayed positive for me until I was able to see the positivity myself. As time passes, the more positive I become. If you feel that being positive in this process is not achievable initially, don’t lose hope. Lean on others for the positivity you need and believe them even when it seems impossible that things will get better.

Keep holding on, One Day at a Time. ❤